First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
