I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
