and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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