I wish I could teleport
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
