well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize