Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
