I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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