I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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