I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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