Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
