You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
