Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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