Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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