didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
