4 words: hood of his car
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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