You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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