he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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