Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
