I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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