Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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