I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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