apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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