oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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