you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
