We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
