so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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