The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
