he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
