Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
