How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
