Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
