i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
