The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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