Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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