He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
