i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
