I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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