I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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