he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
