now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
