So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
