I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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