Where did you get a picture of my penis
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love you. Go after that dick
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
