If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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