i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
