im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
