Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
