At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love you. Go after that dick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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