If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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