From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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