you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
