AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
