If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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