If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
