someone threw a dead crab at me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
