mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
