Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
