I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
