I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my poor anus
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
