My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
