and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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