I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize