Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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