I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
