the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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