If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
