I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
