Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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