Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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