Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
